Photo by Jessica Felicio on Unsplash
You know you got to shift a little to make things shake.
She invites me to her garden as I lament the early days of my adulthood, waiting to be called to tables that were not built for me, striving to see how I can shape myself, yet often missing the mark. I follow her to a space of lush greens, vibrant fruits and veggies, a plush purple carpet under an array of colorful soft pillows. My body relaxes as the cool grass embraces my bare feet.
Gesturing for me to sit and offering me fresh herbal garden-grown tea, she grabs her own drink as the sun soaks our glowing melanin and offers a toast. A toast to the times when we finally realize that those tables weren’t built for us. A toast to the tough days we’d dwelled in nihilism, then shifted to a chaotic existentialism: the burst of life that comes when one remembers she has freewill. A celebration of the goofy comments we’ve made about being an Ecclesiastes 1:2 Christian, the one who the world punched but she kicked back, and became the one who embraces whimsy and boldness when it came to navigating this new world where the rules are changing, and everything seems to be on fire. Spending time with older, wiser Kou initiates a journey to not idly wait but to have whimsical audacity.
At the end of last year, I was doomscrolling TikTok. Several content creators discussed “Chasing Rejection” and how many opportunities it led to. One creator said she obtained dual citizenship by this strategy. Girl, what?
Reaching out to see what happens seemed fun, especially since my brain is always buzzing with connections and ideas. So, I decided not to chase rejection per se, but rather, dare to ask, and ask a lot. As a super sensitive person who had been rejected, gaslit, offered the crumbs at the table even when she wasn’t hungry I realized that people will do or say what they want about my asks (seriously, I learned I was still getting over someone who got offended I mentioned a “high salary”…do people not know how to say “no” or negotiate? Sheesh!). All I can really do is live and move on. Unfortunately, the not-so-great experiences from a few times I asked led me to run to the corner and just wait for permission. I’m 35 now, and over it.
In comes the “Soul Map,” the ecosystem name for every plan, e-mail, idea, and project attached to the Whimsical Audacity List (instead of “chasing rejection list or however they called it). It functions as a guide to keep me on track for reaching out to people, building proposals, and organizing all the information I receive from potential collaborators. It also helps me see where I can pivot where certain opportunities fall through (no answers, “no,” not now, or simply not a great deal). This guide also keeps me grounded in my values since many of the ideas developed from them.
A good friend gifted me a poster that became a quiet motto, stating: “Nobody’s free until everybody’s free.” – Fannie Lou Hamer. Years later, while listening to the Gettin’ Grown Podcast, I heard Jade say, “We all can eat.” Finally, at a black earth collective + lab (a collective I’m a cofounder of) meeting, another cofounder told us about Buen Vivir, or “well-living,” as The Guardian put it. And as these ideals continued to sink in, I remembered: I long to see what community being and thriving look like where everyone “gone eat and everyone gone sleep.” How can I contribute in my own audacious way to Buen Vivir and freedom for all? These are the motivations of the “Soul Map”/Whimsical Audacity.
In my years as a journalist, artist, and “basic needs advocate” who navigated the arts, hospitality, and culture spaces in RI, I witnessed the raw, quirky, inspiring beauty that the people I shared space with exude. And to see the natural, unapologetic, interdisciplinary ways many groups move here. I wanted to dip into those parts of myself and walk alongside the others. And of course, get us all paid.
Getting us all paid has been what I have been wondering about as I develop the Soul Map and, by extension, the Whimsical Audacity list. I’m still figuring out how to explain each idea on a platform like this, hoping that someone, or some people, will know who I can talk to and work with. It’s a huge and exciting task to take on while striving to finish my second book and keep up with this ever-changing world. Most indirectly, I can explain in this post that a couple of works-in-progress are collaborative events featuring poets, singers, and dancers; I’m still trying to secure a venue. So if you want to know more, you can definitely chat with me. Other ideas include a Loc’d In &…series. But I guess I will discuss it more another time.
So here I am. Back in this garden. Laughing with elder Kou over some delicious tea. We know we got this; want to join us?
Write with me: Draft Your Audacity List: Write down three “quirky” asks. A collaboration, a venue, a high salary. Which ask can you make in the next week?
Kou T. Nyan 