I am Not Your Relationship Goals, Sir.

“You look like the type of woman who holds it down for her man,” he said. “You see, I’m a rapper, and I be on the road a lot. And you know there be groupies and stuff, and I’m looking for a woman who knows I’m coming home to her. You seem like the one.”

One Question. How does someone standing at a bus stop in a coat two sizes too big who didn’t engage in a genuine dialogue with you make them a woman who could “hold it down” for a man? I was in my early twenties and confused at the gentleman’s reading of me wondering if the bundled up baby face made me appear that way to him.

It was another cold dark evening in the city. I was standing at the bus stop bundled and zipped up, hoping to get to warm soon. Two men were standing there with me. One spilled his guts to me about how women in my city aren’t right (or something). While his friend, an older gentleman who was an aspiring rapper, was trying to smooth talk me into being his woman.

Please don’t do this to yourself, sir. I thought.

Kou at early twenty-something:

1. Dated many people at a time.

2. “Flirt” was one of her native tongues.

3. Was good at pretending that she was dating for a purpose (marriage).

4. Internally rolled her eyes at scripture-d conversations about how a woman should carry herself to attract “the one.”

5. In training to no longer truly believe in “the one.”

6. Had a few crushes and was not sure how a serious partner would fit into her life.

So, for you to assume, sir, I thought. That this young woman is first, mature…at all, two, not feeling people much younger than you are, three, desires to settle down is an error on your part. I’d probably “cheat” and turn around and tell you, “You know what you’ve gotten yourself into!”

He asked for my number. I said no. He handed me the phone. I said no. The bus finally came, we walked inside. I sat in the back of the bus with hopes he wouldn’t follow me. He did. He told me to put my number on his phone. I held the phone for a while. No, again. I gave him back the phone, and he went on to bother another woman.

All I can think was, “Seriously, I need to graduate and get a car.”